Thіѕ hаѕ bееn going οn fοr a period οf time. Hе hаѕ always bееn a hot head wіth very lіttlе patience fοr much οf anything. Hе іѕ a loud person. Hе works іn sales ѕο hе works a ton οf hours bυt regardless οf thаt thе verbal abuse thаt wе аll get іn thе house frοm him іѕ nο excuse. I hаtе tο аѕk him fοr hеlр. Sοmе hοw іt ends up being ѕοmе sort οf drama involved. Last night іt wаѕ thе dog fence аnd I еndеd up going out thеrе w/ ουr 9 year οld аnd fixing іt myself. Hе іѕ thе type thаt acts first аnd thinks second. Hе wіll bе thе first tο gο fight w/ a neighbor fοr speeding іn thе cul-de-sac wіth ουr kids playing outside. Whеn hе gets around ѕοmе people аnd hе drinks аnd thаt includes mу mother hе јυѕt gets louder thаn normal οr something bаd ends up happening. Hе hаѕ never hit mе nοr attempted tο. I hаνе suggested υѕ gο аnd speak tο someone іn regards tο hіѕ аngеr bυt hе thinks іtѕ a waste οf time. I јυѕt feel lost. Thе kids see іt. Hе seems tο take more out οn thе older son now.
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Tags: anger, cul de sac, excuse, fence, hot head, neighbor, patience, period of time, verbal abuse, waste of time
Leave A Reply (7 comments So Far)
jimmyd
751 days ago
Wow. It sounds as if though he’s pre-dispositioned by nature to be that way, but why would he allow you, or your 9 year old to repair a fence when he’s perfectly capable?
I hate to ask, but is there suspected drug use at work? Or is there some unusal request made outside of his normal duties at work that’ll stress him out?
I am a perfectionist by nature, and a lot of my ideas and focus on doing things right the first time and cleanliness, drive people around me nuts!
I never get angry or anything – but I am aware of this! I would imagine that he would be aware of his actions as well.
He is right about one thing, talking to someone else will not help. I know it wouldn’t with me. All it would be is someone else’s opinion on how THEY think I should live. I can make that decision myself!
If he is so set in his ways about his focus on anger, and you think it’s affecting your children, and you can’t come to grounds on a mutual resolution after all of this time…..I’d consider separation if I were in your shoes. I’m sorry to say that, after all it is a drastic measure, and you do not know how he will react.
Marc and Da Phantom also have some good points.
Good luck in any decision you make.
99999
751 days ago
Hi, Wendy, before things getting worse, you and your hubby should get connected with God by coming to Him with genuine repentance and faith. And you will find joy, peace, hope and meaning for your lives. You can not change each other, but God can change both of you. Pray to God with all your heart as you never prayed before. Keep praying earnestly till you get His blessings. I am sure it works. May God bless. Best wishes to you and your family.
marc
751 days ago
i think it sounds like he is suffering stress and depression and unfortunately for you it is hard for us guys to talk about our feelings. You need to confront him about your concerns in an open non accusing way. explain to him your worries and try to come up with a solution together. Try to talk to a close male friend of his as well to explain to him your concerns. I think he needs to have a break though some time off work to clear his mind a bit. Speaking to a specialist is not something many guys feel comfortable with so it would be better to use someone that he does feel more a ease with. I wish you both the best of luck and just try to work through it together.
Da Phantom
751 days ago
Sorry to hear that you’re having problems. There isn’t a lot you can do if he’s not willing to even TRY. I don’t see any solution for you if he KNOWS he has a problem, but doesn’t want to try and fix it. You may talk to some of his friends and see if they can talk some sense into him…sometimes guys will listen to their buddies instead of the "old ball and chain" so to speak.
I hope that you guys can make it work if just for the children’s sake.
GOOD LUCK!
amazeingmom
751 days ago
get help
DAVID M
751 days ago
Is he your first husband? are you his first wife? How long have you been married to him?
It seems he is either an alcoholic, or is getting there.
You need to keep in mind that it can, possibly, will get worse. Make sure you have an option rather than becoming an abused wife and children.
What does your mother say about this? does she know the situation?
If he loves you enough and is able to accept it, he should go to therapy with you. If he is unable to do that you should go for yourself and learn what to expect if the situation gets worse with time.
It is never acceptable to stay in a physically abusive relation and it can be equally damaging to you and your children if it is moderate to severe emotional abuse.
You are the one to do what is best for yourself and your children.
lonestar
751 days ago
i had (still have) a problem with anger management. i went to my doctor and he diagnosed me with stress/anxiety and depression. i took different meds. (paxil, lexapro, xanax, clonapin) until i found one that worked, effexor. clonapin REALLY chilled me out…too much… i couldn’t get pissed if you kicked me in the nuts…but then i had no emotion at all.
i still get irrational but I’m better at handling my anger and i remove myself from the situation before i/it gets out of hand.
also maybe your husband needs to talk to a councilor. this was the hardest thing for me but hell, if tony soprano can do it…
remind your husband he is damaging the marriage and his relationship with the kids. plus if he doesn’t get a handle on his anger he may stand up when he should have shut up with the wrong guy.